The Cranky Driver

I didn’t get a golden ticket this year. I don’t get to hang out with the Veruca Salts and Augustus Gloops of this world. I don’t even get platform shoes, a green wig and sing questionable songs. Instead, I went to the NAIAS at Cobo Hall with the unwashed masses.... Read more

This internet thingy is.... interesting. When I’m not looking at videos of cute kittens (which may or may not be a euphemism) or showing 1980s music videos to my kids, I watch car videos. I recently watched this video of a Corvette crashing followed by another video of a Corvette... Read more

Ahh... Christmas. That special time of year. There’s a certain something in the air that makes me just a bit... crankier. Is it all the preparation? The stress looking for presents? The unrealistic expectations of holiday cheer? Nope, it’s all those @#$%^&* shoppers out on the road. I don’t know where... Read more

The entrance ramp was waiting for me, beckoning. It’s a challenging, imperfect ramp. It’s choppy in places, marked by crumbling asphalt. There’s a pothole on the racing line (I have to remember that). The first curve is slightly off-camber, and the guardrail is pretty close on the exit. Traffic finally clears,... Read more

“Every curve is exciting, if you go fast enough.” --EMan’s sister There’s a Simpsons episode (season 16, episode 13, “Mobile Homer,” for those that care) where Homer and Marge are on the freeway chasing Bart and Lisa, who are in a recreational vehicle. Marge is looking ahead and says, “I can’t see... Read more

I’ve already mentioned how much I like rubber. This tire fetish of mine is seasonal—I get afflicted whenever I switch the tires on my cars. This November was no different. Over the Thanksgiving break, I changed the tires in two of my cars, switching to winter tires in preparation for... Read more

It’s on. I thought we live in an enlightened society. More genteel. Mankind living in harmony, and all that crap. And then I went on the Internets Tubes. And then I was shocked and awed by this: the mis-named 650 hp 2013 Ford Mustang Shelby GT500. (source: Autoweek) What. The. Fahrvergnügen?! “If I had... Read more

Every car I’ve owned has had a manual transmission. I don’t see this changing in the foreseeable future, as my wife won’t let me buy a Ferrari 458 Italia, which doesn’t come with a manual transmission. Something about not willing to sell our house and live in a cardboard box.... Read more

I’ve just returned from a week long trip from Germany, and experienced something that makes me even crankier than driving—flying through Charles de Gaulle (CDG) airport in Paris. It’s a large airport, so you’ll probably have to walk pretty far for your connection. Being big isn’t extraordinary, but CDG adds... Read more

Road trips make me un-cranky. My favorite trips tend to head west from Detroit, since these avoid Ohio. They seem to have some vague justification, like family gatherings, races, and so on, but these are just McGuffins, simply to point the car in a rough direction. What is it for this... Read more

... for a day off work. Especially if it involves driving Porsches. The local Ann Arbor Porsche dealership, Howard Cooper Porsche, sponsored one of the half days for a Porsche Sports Day at the Palace of Auburn Hills. We got to drive pretty much all of the different models that Porsche... Read more

I love rubber. Not just any rubber, though. I like my rubber black and circular. That’s right— I love tires. I like sporty tires best, of course— oversized with a low profile. And the stickier the better. When the UPS driver drops off new tires at my house, it might as... Read more

I took a recent road trip for work to our proving grounds in Michigan's upper peninsula, the UP. Although I've lived in Michigan for most of my life, this is only the second time I've been to the UP. The other time was to take my wife to Mackinac Island,... Read more

Some German wise guy once said something about time being relative. One German example I have of relative time is my first apartment in Germany. My neighbors in the building kept referring to my apartment as one of the “new” ones. Later I found out it’s because my part of... Read more

(Warning: Much wordage ahead. Stay a while.) My copy from England looked like a BBC representative shredded one corner with his teeth I hate critics, probably because I don’t like being criticized. I think to be a critic, you have to have done that thing that you are critiquing. If you want... Read more

After a Google blog post last weekend, it was revealed that Google has been secretly working on autonomous vehicles, cars that can drive themselves. The engineers working on this project had experience from the DARPA challenges, and include Sebastian Thrun of the 2005 winners from Stanford, and Christopher Urmson of... Read more

“Did gerade Linie ist gottlos.” --Hundertwasser A friend of mine is on a foreign assignment to Romania for a couple of years. The city where he’s located is nice enough, with a university and a technical industry, and was the first mainland European city to be lit by electric street lamps in... Read more

(Also: The German Paradox - Parking) The Autobahn. The word evokes a mystical essence about German driving. It’s the last automotive frontier, like the old American wild west. It’s still unlimited. Thoroughbreds like Porsche, BMW, Audi and Mercedes (okay— and VW for that GTI guy) still roam the autobahn. And every... Read more

Now that’s going to leave a mark. For those that don’t watch BBC’s Top Gear show with religious fervor, I’m talking about the de-helmeting of the Stig from the show. For the last seven years, the current (and likely ex-) Stig was the test driver for Top Gear, doing stunts and... Read more

I’m one of those people that can’t drive without music playing in the car. It’s an intrinsic part of the driving experience for me. If my radio is off while I’m driving, it’s probably because I’m listening to a strange sound my car is making, or I’m looking for an... Read more

Between my current crazy work schedule, and my kids’ inability to sleep through the night, I can’t seem to put a complete senten— hey, look! Imaginary puppies! A new post is coming soon. Also, if you post a comment, I’ll be able to see it but not be able to respond. Instead,... Read more

(Also: The German Paradox - The Autobahn) To a driving enthusiast, the allure of Germany is undeniable. An unlimited autobahn? The Nürburgring? Home of Porsche, BMW, Mercedes, Audi (and for that GTI owner, VW)? What could be better? It’s possible to get a taste of this driving paradise in many ways. Companies... Read more

I learned the importance of correct time while waiting for the busses in Germany. After a couple of long walks home when I missed the last bus of the day, I learned to keep my watch set accurately. These days it is pretty easy to have the exact time. Computers automatically... Read more

I’m a pretty rotten friend. I’ve let an old buddy, my 1989 944 Turbo, languish in the garage, buried under the debris of family. Yes, bales of hay are involved. Our homeowners’ association makes us keep the goats and chickens out back. “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world,... Read more

I was reading the Booth Babe’s article about summer driving events, when I made the mistake of reading the comments. I hate reading the comments, because I lose all hope in my fellow man (again). As I thought about the article and its comments, I found the whole thing ironic. Here’s... Read more

Hey! You in the dark blue Chevy Chevrolet Impala talking on the phone! Get out of the way! Die ganze Welt dreht sich um mich, denn ich bin nur ein Egoist. Der Mensch, der mir am nächsten ist, bin ich, ich bin ein Egoist. --Falco You’re driving 70 mph on the left lane on... Read more

Monday. “The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.” --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow “Don’t knock the weather. If it didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation.” --Kin Hubbard “No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the... Read more

All drivers do stupid things. This includes you and me. At some point in time while driving, we will be distracted or not paying attention in some way. So I was pleasantly surprised when Eddie Alterman, Car and Driver’s editor-in-chief, wrote about his dinner with Dr. Ralf Cramer and Samir Salman... Read more

My wife is German, but that’s not really her fault. She’s actually from Bavaria in southern Germany, which is the image most Americans have about Germany. Ask an average American of their thoughts of Germany, and they may answer with Oktoberfest, Lederhosen, and beer gardens— all Bavarian institutions. (To continue with... Read more

Mercury, the Jan Brady of the Ford Automotive family, was euthanized last Wednesday after Ford decided to pull the plug. Mercury was 72 years old. (image source: artatm.com) Edsel Ford begat Mercury in 1938. Alcohol was reported to have been involved. Edsel named Mercury after the Roman god known for delivering flowers... Read more

Moving away from that depressing topic that is the Black Plague (a.k.a. BP), let’s ironically talk about track days, where we get to burn lots of gas in good conscience. My local car club organizes driver education (DE) events (or high-performance driver events - HPDE in some circles) at local tracks... Read more

Being a conscientious driving enthusiast is not without its problems, especially about the environment. I wrote an article about this over 10 years ago, and more recently, the Booth Babe wrote about the same issue. I have no straightforward solution to this topic. Not even a bent, twisted one. But... Read more

So there I was, about to text while driving to visit my family. In my mind, it was (literally) a no-brainer. My text message was going to be simple: “10.” The holiday traffic on the freeway wasn’t that bad, and the thunderstorm was turning into just a heavy downpour. Why... Read more

DETROIT — GM posted a profit of $865 million in the first quarter, its first quarterly profits since 2007, and then promptly lost the money gambling at the Motor City casino near downtown Detroit. Still in a stupor from the previous night’s partying, GM said it was unsure how it lost... Read more

A friend of ours was supposed to fly from Germany to see us last month. Unfortunately, she timed her flight with Eyjafjallajokull’s eruptions (I wonder how many letters Icelanderians (Icelandicians?*) get to start with in Scrabble). After her flight and her rescheduled flight were both cancelled, she set her flight... Read more

Sometimes I have too much time on my hands. This can be easily achieved by neglecting things like eating, sleeping and family. Generally this means I’m obsessing over something trivial. Such was the case last year when I virtually re-lived a vacation I took 15 years ago, thanks to Google. (It... Read more

So there I was, stopped at the traffic light that had just turned red. I looked in my driver side mirror and saw a car still speeding towards the light. He eventually slammed on the brakes, and stopped partway into the intersection. As I looked over, I saw that he... Read more

No.  [update: still no]  [update: uh, no]  [update: I really, really mean it— no]  [update: Well, okay. Maybe, if they are like this, I don’t mind so much.]  “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”  --Arthur C. Clarke (Clarke’s Third Law)  Below is the Porsche 918 Spyder plug-in hybrid concept, introduced in the Geneva auto show.... Read more

I drive faster than I should. While this is an affliction that affects many driving enthusiasts, I’m still able to lead a generally normal life. I just have to remember to follow two simple rules: 1) don’t drive in wet weather like it’s dry, and 2) let the police car... Read more

I attended my sports car club meeting last night for the first time in about 10 years. It’s a typical sports car club meeting, one where we men think we’re race car drivers and the women indulge us and drink wine. There are a few actual racers in the club,... Read more

There are some perks working in the auto industry. As a lowly, peon engineer I don’t get too many. However, once in a while, I get a golden ticket— an industry preview ticket for the auto show. “I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it... Read more

I guess it’s about time I woke this blog up. It’s been quite a while since I last posted something— almost exactly two years, actually. Obviously, a lot has happened since I’ve last blogged: the economy tanked big time GM declared bankruptcy Chrysler declared bankruptcy my company got bought I didn’t receive any of the... Read more

Yikes! Is it that time of the year already? (My 2007 coverage is here.) I got lucky this year and got a Willy Wonka ticket to the show. Some of our customers bailed out, so one of our sales guys gave me a shiny industry preview ticket. There are about 1/8 as... Read more

Get 50 mpg -- in your own car Back in June, when I first wanted to write this article, Michigan gas prices were at an all-time high. Right now, our prices aren’t too far off from those highs. You might want to book mark this page for quick access when gas... Read more

....and I don’t like it. The Detroit Free Press had an article last week that stated that we had the highest gas prices in the country. At an average of $3.53/gallon, Michigan beat out Illinois ($3.52), California ($3.42) and Hawaii ($3.40). That’s right. We had higher gas prices than a state with... Read more

So there I was, driving down to my local Target store. It has two entrances from the road, the main entrance, and the driveway in the back of the store. When I’m coming from the my house, I normally take the back entrance, as it’s closer than the more commonly... Read more

IRVING — ExxonMobil, the Irving, Texas-based company, posted the largest corporate profits in U.S. history. Its earnings of $39.5 billion for 2006 on revenues of $377.6 billion exceed the previous record of $36.13 billion in 2005, also posted by ExxonMobil. Other oil companies posting best-ever profits for their companies include Chevron... Read more

“If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.” --Henry Ford DEARBORN — Ford announced recently that it had losses of $12.7 billion for 2006, its largest loss in history... Read more

“The average human has about one breast and one testicle.” --From Statistics 101 (If you’re one of my anal-retentive engineer friends, please don’t e-mail me about that last quote. I know that men technically have breasts as well, even if they’re not the pert, firm type—unless we’re talking about Ricardo Montalbán’s. The... Read more

I consider myself to be a gentle, easy-going, control-freak type of person with compulsive-obsessive tendencies. In general, as long as you do as I say, agree with all of my opinions, and have the same interests as I do, we’ll get along just fine. “It is the mark of an educated... Read more

I’m really just an ordinary, normal guy. I work, I pay taxes, I have a wife and a daughter. And I have simple needs—I just want to drive like Speed Racer all the time, but I would settle for people getting the heck out of my way. I could to... Read more