Monday, September 30, 2013 5:45:07 PM America/Detroit

Detroit Auto Show Attendance Down Again

“The average human has about one breast and one testicle.”
--From Statistics 101

(If you’re one of my anal-retentive engineer friends, please don’t e-mail me about that last quote. I know that men technically have breasts as well, even if they’re not the pert, firm type—unless we’re talking about Ricardo Montalb├ín’s. The statement is meant to be humorous—you know, like a joke.)

According to the Detroit News, the attendance for the Detroit auto show was down for the fourth consecutive year. This year’s auto show had 759,310 visitors, down 9% from the record high of 838,000 visitors in 2003. Factors such as last week’s ice storm and the state’s economy are thought to have been factors in the decline this year.

So after 120 years, cars have finally jumped the shark.

The numbers suggest that cars are no longer popular. The decrease in attendance correlates to a drop in 2006 U.S. auto and light truck sales, down 2.6% from 2005 to 16.6 million vehicles. U.S. manufacturers are shedding workers and factories.

This was the 100th Detroit auto show. After seeing the same horseless, four-wheeled carriages powered by combustion engines 80 or 90 times, people are getting bored. Car manufacturers can’t even come up with new designs—just take a look at the current Mustang and upcoming Camaro. The turbocharger was invented in 1905, the supercharger in 1860.

What modern feature do most people look for in a new car? An iPod jack.

Who wants a 505 hp sports car anymore? Or an all-wheel drive sedan with 420 hp? Today’s consumers are moving onto the Next Big Thing. With growing concerns about the automobile’s effect on the environment, groups are turning to other, more ecologically friendly forms of transportation. A group in Pennsylvania is already leading the charge to motorless vehicles.

The automobile is dead.

So what happens to today’s cars? The future’s not so bright. As nobody likes cars anymore, the value will soon plummet, leaving their owners in despair. This is where I can help. Please send the keys to these 505 hp pieces of junk to myself, and I do everything in my power to find them a good home. It’s the least I can do for my fellow man.